It occurred to me today that there are very few things that are “always” or “never”.

Think about it –especially during this unique moment in history when our previous lives have been significantly disrupted– how many things do you know that always happen or never happen? Try to come up with a list in your head. I’ll wait…

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The fact of the matter is that you probably couldn’t come up with much of a list at all. While I have been thinking on the subject of this post, I tried myself to come up with a list. The list of things that seem to me to be most consistent, all tended to be natural things (i.e., the sun always rises and always sets, the tide always goes out and the tide always comes in, etc.), but that’s not where I want to go with the subject of this post.

Rather, I want to talk about people and blanket statements.

Accusations aimed at people that they “always”, or they “never”, are called blanket statements, because they are meant to ‘cover’ a variety of different options. Blanket statements are, more often than not, untrue, if for no other reason than the fact that people just don’t tend to be that consistent. While the tide and the sun might be consistent, humans just don’t ever really achieve that same level of dependability.

The husband who always leaves his socks on the floor has probably, at some point, left his socks somewhere other than the floor. It might even be the case that the husband, at some point, has put his socks where they belong. But, the wife who is attempting to make the strongest possible case against the sins of the husband, can’t say something like, “You leave your socks on the floor a majority of the time.”, even though it would be closer to the truth. Firing that particular volley across to the ‘enemy’ wouldn’t have the same weight. The argument against a statement like that is clear –> “Well, I sometimes put them where they’re supposed to be.”

The wife who never has dinner prepared on time has probably, at some point, made dinner on time. The employee who never shows initiative has probably, at some point, taken it upon themselves to start a project.

The problem is that people just aren’t that consistent. They’re not consistently bad, no matter what you’d like to think of them, and conversely, they’re not consistently good, either (no matter what you’d like to think of them). It’s the inconsistency that really bothers us.

Who wouldn’t want a husband that always puts his socks in the hamper, and for that matter, also does everything else a husband’s supposed to do? Who wouldn’t want a wife that always has dinner ready on time, and for that matter, also does everything else a wife’s supposed to do? The same goes for the employee.

We have in mind an ideal, and as it turn out, people never can match that ideal. They are all, without fail, inconsistently getting close to the mark and also, at other times, falling short of the mark.

But, heaven forbid that anyone ever hold us to an expectation of consistency?!?!

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From here, we move to stereotypes, which are blanket statements about entire groups of people, again that “they always blah blah blah blah” or “they never blah blah blah blah”.

The word ‘stereotyping’ probably got you thinking about certain groups of people that are the popular targets of blanket statements (different races, different genders, etc.), but you can make a blanket statement (stereotype) about any group of people that you’d like.

And, chances are, if you’re going to do it, you’ll end up doing it about the ‘other’ group if the blanket statement is negative and about ‘your’ group if the blanket statement is positive. For example, if I’m a Democrat, I am less likely to say that “All Democrats are morons.” than I am to say “All Republicans are morons.” Or, if I’m an American, I am less likely to say that “All Americans are fools.” than I am to say “All Europeans are fools.”

The issue with the blanket statement is the same here as it was when we were making blanket statements about individuals. The inconsistent makeup of a group of people doesn’t lend itself to us making blanket statements (stereotypes) about any group. Are there blonds who are brainless? Absolutely! Are all blonds brainless? Of course not. In the same manner, all black men are not criminals and all Jews are not stingy and all college graduates are not intelligent, even though some members of each of those groups live up to the stereotypes.

It’s a shame that, as a society, so many of us are still stuck in the mode of thinking that buys into the hype of stereotypes. However, as time has gone by, there have been signs that society is starting to recognize the problem with these over-simplifying blanket statements.

Take heroes and villains, for example. Fifty years ago, our heroes were good and our villains were bad, and that was the way that we liked it. We wanted heroes who were good all of the time because they gave us a character worth admiring, and we wanted our villains to be evil, because they gave us a character worth despising.

Additionally, heroes and villains like these make things clearer for us; we ought to root for the hero and we ought to jeer the villain.

But then, somewhere along the line, we started muddying the waters. Our heroes became complicated by their darkness, by their less-than-pristine hearts, BY THEIR INCONSISTENCY. I’m not sure why we started to head in this direction –more relatable characters, perhaps– but the result is that we end up with heroes that aren’t worth cheering for and villains who really aren’t that bad. Maybe, when I think about it, this is the way that things really are. Maybe, heroes and villains like these are a more honest reflection of reality.

Stephen King, my favorite author of all time, has been quoted as saying that we ought “to tell stories about what people actually do –to face the fact, let us say, that murderers sometimes help old ladies cross the street.”

Remember the movie “Hancock” (2008), starring Will Smith as a drunkard of a superhero who almost does more harm than good? How about the recent string of Deadpool movies? These characters are referred to as ‘anti-heroes’, because they end up doing heroic things in their stories, despite lacking many of the classically heroic traits. And of course, then there is the ‘anti-villain’, who aspires to something great, but goes about their aspirations in the most evil of ways. If you’ve never seen “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”, this movie will destroy all of your preconceived notions about heroes and villains (viewer discretion is advised).

In the end, we are all so inconsistent. Don’t ever believe anyone who would have you understand otherwise, because what they are selling you is a myth that could lead you to expectations that are unreasonable. Guess what, spouses? There isn’t a mate around that is doing it all right, all of the time. Guess what, employers? Good luck finding that perfect employee.

We should just start cutting each other some slack. The blanket statements that we use to impose our expectations on each other are over-simplifications that just don’t hold up in the real world. The good guy isn’t always good and the bad guy isn’t always bad.

If we could free the people around us from the burden of meeting our expectations, we could also free ourselves of the eventual disappointment when they don’t.