It occurred to me today that I somehow got on the roller coaster, and now I want off.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty even-keeled person. I’ve often said, and even more often thought in my head, “I just can’t abide by those people who let every high raise them up and then let every low bring them down.” In my mind, it’s much better to let the highs and the lows of life wash over you, having no real effect on the course of the ship.

I’ve known some of those emotionally adrift people in my life, some of them very close to me in my not-so-distant past, and I have learned from my interactions with those people in particular, and from my dealings with that type of person in a general sense, that riding the “emotional roller coaster”, as I’ve often called it, has damaging side effects to one’s inner peace.

Sure, getting excited about the amazing highs of life can be so much fun, but I’m pretty convinced that you can’t have this without also then having to agree to the proposition of being brought down by the lows of life; I mean, can you imagine the real world roller coaster that allowed you to enjoy the feeling of flying through the air but spared you the feeling of falling to the ground?

And, I’ve often said that being on those emotional roller coasters is pointless; it’s so much better to try to maintain a steady course, emotionally speaking.

* * *

A couple of weeks ago, I posted something on Facebook that has gotten me in trouble. I shouldn’t have said it –regardless of how true it is– and I posted what I posted because I had something to say and I didn’t exercise the self-control necessary for keeping my mouth shut. I think that’s part of what makes self-control so difficult for me; that necessary moment that I have to take before making a decision to act or to speak, that pause that –if inserted– should allow for me to ask myself, “Is this really what you want to do?”; that pause is so often something that I neglect.

That is, I neglect it when I’m on the roller coaster.

When I am letting the lows of life bring me down –for example, when I am lamenting the generally negative qualities of human existence that I have witnessed via social media– I am more likely to be out of control of the way that I think and act. In these moments, I’m EmoPhil –> capable of saying the dumbest things out loud and of doing things that I’ll soon regret, faster than a speeding bullet.

I think it’s better when I’m SereniPhil (doesn’t that sound like a sleeping medication?!?!) –> the calm intellectual who likes to think things through and who likes to keep a cool perspective on the highs and lows of life.

I think, maybe, I’m going to have a couple of custom capes made –like Superman capes– that I can just wear around the house. One will say “EmoPhil”, and I’ll wear it –or maybe my wife can put it on me, since she notices when I change, often before I do– when I am on the roller coaster and out of control and ready to fly to the heights or drop to the depths. The other will say “SereniPhil”, and I will wear it when I feel like I am in control and life is pretty balanced and I am on the “noble path”.

* * *

I think that, the longer I live and the more I understand about life, I am starting to come to some conclusions about these two different versions of me. One of the most important things that I’ve noticed is that I am often triggered by certain parts of life, and I might just be better off avoiding these triggers as much as possible.

One of the things that my wife and I have noticed, just recently, is that social media seems to be a trigger for me. And, while I’d be happy to sit around and debate the merits and drawbacks of social media with anyone who wants to engage in such an endeavor, it is most certainly the case that there are people out there for whom social media is not a trigger –my wife being one of them. I’ve just discovered that I’m not the best me –I’m not SereniPhil– when I get too caught up in social media.

I’ve also noticed that it’s harder for me to avoid becoming EmoPhil when I am not getting enough sleep and/or exercise. Luckily, just recently, both of those parts of my world have been going well. I wonder what kind of a world we would have if everyone was getting the sleep and the exercise that they need –> maybe I’m not the only one who might find it easier to avoid the roller coaster with plenty of rest and a measure of physical fitness.

* * *

If you’ve been reading many of my other posts, you know how I prefer to try to be moderate in most things. So, where’s the middle ground, I wonder, between being a hot head and being a stolid stoic?

Or, maybe more to the point is this question: why do I seem to be doomed to be Jekyll or Hyde?

If you’ve never read “Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”, by Robert Louis Stevenson, you really should. It’s pretty short and it’s a lot of fun, psychologically speaking. In certain respects, the story is science fiction (and I love me some sci-fi), but I think it is also an extended metaphor for just the kind of problem that I find myself struggling with sometimes. And, because of the recognizable truth in the story, certain features of the story have become part of our pop-psychology understanding.

The more I get to know me, the more I get to understand how I work and what makes me tick, the better my life is becoming.

I hope that this message reaches someone else –> get to know yourself so you can live a life that is more informed when it comes to, well, you.