It occurred to me today that I’m running out of time.

On March 13th (which was a ‘Friday the 13th’, by the way), my life changed significantly, as did many. As a professional educator, I left my job on that Friday, in a building with my students, and transitioned into a ‘virtual’ environment. During the weeks that followed, I did my best to try to continue to connect with my students, delivering content ‘virtually’ while also trying to foster my growing relationships with them. It was tough, and like most educators I know, I struggled at first. But, I got the hang of it. And along the way, the shake-up in my world
–personally and professionally– allowed me to discover some other things, things that I’ve fallen in love with.

And now, my life is about to change back, at least somewhat.

Teachers are to report back to work next week at my school.

I saw a meme once, and it’s probably only a meme that teachers would understand, but it said something to the effect that “August, for teachers, is just one long Sunday afternoon”. And, as funny as that meme has always been to me, as summers have faded into falls in my life for the last eighteen summers, the message is a little more poignant for me this August. I feel like I have a little more to lose.

* * *

The question is going to be, “Will I have what it takes to desperately cling to the things that I’ve discovered that I really enjoy, the things that have become central to my life, these last five months? Will I find myself strong and emboldened, staring down the same old life that wants to try to have me back, or will I, having tasted something better, decide to rearrange my world differently than it had been before?” I know, that’s more like two, or maybe three, questions.

Because, you see, it’s no big deal to do easy stuff. The big deal is to do hard stuff.

No, that’s not what I’m trying to say.

How about this: it’s no big deal to do hard things when you’ve got the energy and the time to do those hard things. It is, however, significantly harder to do hard things when you are already spread too thin, as it is. Working on my writing, through this blog and through the novels I am drafting, and taking care of my plans to get back into shape, those things have been fairly easy, without much else to get in the way these last five months. They will not be as easy when other things start demanding my attention. I have a life that, right now –at this moment– contains almost everything that I hold dear.

But, here it comes… the other stuff.

* * *

I believe that astrology –the system of beliefs that includes things like planetary positions and astrological signs, etc.– is a bunch of hooey. But, some friend of mine posted on Facebook the other day something about ‘the planets of change are in retrograde in Scorpio’ and I thought to myself, “Hey, I’m a Scorpio, and hey, I’ve got some changes coming.” That probably doesn’t prove the legitimacy of astrology, but it gives me a reason to talk about change.

That change that came at me, at all of us, back in March, didn’t feel like a good one, going into it. But, as it turns out, things went pretty well for me (or at least as well as anyone’s life goes during a pandemic). I know a lot of people who didn’t fare as well, so I am definitely thankful. This change, that’s coming up for me soon, also doesn’t having a great feeling going into it. But, change is change. You have to stay flexible and bend as the winds blow. And, I am pretty happy to say that I made the best of the situation that I was handed this spring. I hope you did, too.

I think that positivity makes a big difference.

* * *

I’ve heard it said that nothing is ever really full. You can take a five-gallon bucket and fill it with bricks. Let’s say you end up getting eight bricks to fit into that bucket.

Is the bucket full of bricks? Yes, because you can’t fit any more bricks in the bucket. But, is the bucket full?

No.

Because, you can then add in golf balls, along with the bricks. Let’s say you end up fitting in seventeen golf balls, in among the bricks. Is the bucket full of bricks and golf balls? Yes. Is the bucket full?

No.

Then you can add marbles. Then you can add sand. Then you can add water.

If you think back to that initial point in time, at the beginning, when we thought the bucket was full of bricks, it wasn’t even close to full.

I saw this metaphor acted out in front of an audience once; I don’t remember where or when. The person who did the demonstration was talking about the importance of prioritizing certain things and making sure that those things end up in the bucket first, because you’ll never be able to fit them in once the bucket has its marbles and sand and water inside. Those big items, that you put in first to make sure that everything else has to work around them, those are the major priorities, like family and faith and the like.

To be honest with you, I’m glad for the pandemic, in some ways. It emptied a lot of useless things out of my bucket. And, truth be told, I’m not necessarily in a hurry to have a full bucket all over again.

Have my bricks changed? Have my golf balls changed? I can pretty safely say that they have, while my life has been strangely different these last five months. Now that it’s time to reconfigure what goes into the bucket along with the ‘major items’, it will be interesting to see how that goes.

* * *

I know that it might just sound like whining, to anyone reading this who has not been afforded the past five months to rearrange their lives. Believe me, I am not whining; on the contrary, I am extremely thankful for the circumstances that have allowed me to reorganize my life. Additionally, a significant part of me has not been whole since I left my students in March. I am, after all, a teacher.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie (there’s got to be a hundred of them) where the neglected lover escapes their ungrateful significant other to start a better life, only to have that spurned lover show up later, demanding to have things returned to their previous state.

I don’t know if I want to go back to the way things were. I’m healthier. I’m happier.

Let me say this: if you are able to find the best parts of life, if you are able to find ways to make things better for yourself, if you ever get the chance to rearrange things to make them better –> don’t ever give up the great things when you find them.