It occurred to me today that we shouldn’t be fighting so much.

The fighting happens when we focus on our differences.

When we focus our differences, we lose site of what we all have in common.

Once that happens, we imagine that we are more different than we are the same.

I saw an ad lately. The ad had two pints of blood, in bags, next to each other. The ad said something to the effect that racists could feel free to identify which of the bags of blood came from a person of color.

The ad points out that we all have red blood. This, my friends is just the start.

Think of the person in your life, in your circle, that you feel is the most different from you. Maybe they’re a coworker, maybe they’re a fellow citizen of your town, maybe they run in the same social circles that you do. Don’t read the next line until you have someone in mind.

Ready?

You probably both have two lungs. You probably both have two nostrils. You probably both have ten toes, and a spleen, and two knees. You probably both have ears and fingernails and immune systems. You probably both have shoes and relatives and toothbrushes and shirts. You’ve probably both had birthday parties and favorite games to play and songs that you love to hear. You probably both have socks and underwear.

Part of me thought about making this blog post just a giant list of things that people tend to have in common with each other, to highlight the fact that we are all more alike than we are different. But, I think my readers are smart enough to get the point.

So, why is it that, in light of all of the things that we all have in common with each other, we tend to get so hung up on our differences.

* * *

Differences divide us, but only when we become fixated on those differences. People who focus on differences are, therefore, divisive. Outside influences (the media and the politicians come to mind almost immediately) that would have you pay more attention to differences than to similarities are schismatic.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Why are there entities within our nation that would have us all so focused on each other and our differences?”

The first thing that my child will do when I am looking at them to address their bad behavior –almost every single time– is to point out what their sibling did. It’s Distraction 101. “Daddy, I can’t have you looking at me, to notice what it is that I’m doing wrong, so let’s have you look over here, instead.”

Why are the divisive elements in our society trying to keep us from putting them under a microscope, hmmm?!?! What are they trying to hide by having us pointing fingers at each other?!?!

What might happen if we stopped hating each other, and we started ‘hating’ those institutions that would have us hate each other?

* * *

I asked you in the opening section to think of a person who’s different than you.

I think of Fred.

There’s a guy I know. We’ll call him Fred. I’m not going into any details about the nature of our relationship, for fear that it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out who Fred actually is, based on what I’m about to tell you.

Fred and I couldn’t disagree more on a lot of different topics. He’s a big conspiracy theory guy. I am not. He’s used the word ‘plandemic’ a few too many times in the past four months. He knows who he is voting for in November, and so do I, and they will most definitely end up being different people. He’s approached me in the past to tell me things that I can’t believe that he actually believes, since I wouldn’t have thought him capable of believing some of the things that he’s told me.

But, I talk to Fred, and he talks to me. We’ve had our differences before, because while I can allow a lot of what he says to just go by me without comment, I have on occasion found it necessary to correct him, on important matters. Just because we have differing opinions doesn’t mean that we don’t enjoy talking to each other. I am sure that he takes my skepticism with a grain of salt, just like he must be aware that I am taking some of his ‘theorizing’ with a grain of salt.

Fred and I have a lot more in common than what makes us different. One of the most important things that we have in common is a friendship, which is the landscape that allows for our exchanges, for better and for worse, to be just small components of a larger mosaic of human interaction.

Here’s to Fred.

* * *

After the American Civil War, Abraham Lincoln caught a lot of flack for reaching out to the Confederate states, to try to help them to rebuild. During one such exchange with someone, who thought that Lincoln would be better served if he was more focused on the destruction of his enemy, Lincoln replied, “Madame, how can I better destroy my enemies than by making them my friends?”

Here’s the bottom line, people.

Racists continue in their racism because they don’t have friends of color. And you’re thinking, “Of course, they don’t.” But I’m thinking that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. We need brave people of color to be friendly with racists. Sounds easy, right?!?!

I know Republicans who think that Democrats are the root of all evil, and vice versa. The Republicans, who believe this, don’t have Democrats in their circle of friends, and the Democrats, who feel the same way, have the same problem. So, where are the brave Republicans who are going to reach out to some Democrats?

We have become so isolated, haven’t we? I have my friends, and they’re just like me, so I don’t have to go beyond my comfort zone to be with my closest people.

But, to bring this full circle, WE REALLY AREN’T THAT DIFFERENT. It might sound scary for a person of color to befriend a racist, or for a Republican to cozy up with a Democrat, but the person of color is more than just a person of color, just as the Democrat is more than a Democrat. Beyond the labels, and the media telling us to stand guard against each other, is this truth:

We are all humans. We all have far more in common than can ever be different about us.