It occurred to me today that we’ve lost our perspective… on ourselves.

NOTE: THIS WILL BE A TWO-PART POST (live on 9/28 & 9/30)

I have a pride problem; it’s my greatest sin. I’ve known for some time that it’s my greatest sin, but I can’t seem to stop involving myself in things that feed my pride. I want to be praised, so I do the things that will get me the praise. Sometimes, I will even neglect –somewhat subconsciously– what will not get me praise, in favor of choosing to do something else instead, something more praiseworthy.

I especially enjoy doing things that I’ve discovered that other people think I’m good at, because then they will praise me for doing so.

Take this blog, for example. For one hundred and fifty some blog posts now (aren’t you proud of me?), I’ve been sharing my thoughts with the world. Sometimes those thoughts are humble and unassuming, but other times, they are not. I’ve bragged about regaining my physical fitness, I’ve bragged about how good I am at sudoku, I’ve bragged about other things, as well.

While blogging might be slightly different, it’s really just a social media outlet. The trouble with social media and pride is that it doesn’t feel that bad for me to be writing blog posts where I talk about the great things I’m doing, despite the fact that there would normally be something in my head that would keep me from being a braggart if I were talking to someone in the real world.

As I’ve sat at my laptop, alone in some room, bragging in the past about how awesome I think I am, I wouldn’t normally be comfortable about being so ostentatious in speaking with other people.

At least, I didn’t used to be.

But I’m not speaking to other people; that’s the thing. When I’m on social media
–whether it’s me on this blog or you on Facebook or that other guy on Twitter– we are all imagining ourselves as alone, at least that’s my theory.

The person who wouldn’t say boo to a goose in the real world, but has plenty of hatred on Facebook, is stuck in the same conundrum that I feel like I’m stuck in.

There’s just something different about social media. You and I do things on social media that we wouldn’t normally do out in public, because we feel like we’re alone when we’re on social media…

But, we’re not. It’s as public as a conversation at the grocery store in the salad dressing aisle. Maybe even more so.

* * *

The worst part of my pride problem is that, when I think I am doing something good, for the right reasons, when I think I am being of service –and then someone recognizes me for my service– all I can think to myself is about how awesome I am and how right people are when they praise me for what I’m doing.

And then, the service is tainted. Whatever I did, whatever I was able to accomplish to try to move my family forward, or my workplace forward, or my church forward, or my community forward, those accomplishments are stained by this smear of pride on them.

I almost think that I would be better off if I could hide all of the things that I am able to accomplish from the eyes of people. Then, the accomplishments would stand on their own, and people would be happy for what was accomplished. The people around me would be better off, for the contributions that my actions could provide, but they wouldn’t be able to attribute them to me.

Sometimes, it is easy enough to avoid the eyes of others as we do good things in the world around us. You have no idea how much I tip when I’m at a restaurant. You have no idea what percentage of my income I donate to charitable organizations. Easy enough to hide.

I never could figure out, though, how to keep my left hand from knowing about the activities of my right hand. 

I was discussing with my psychology students this week the importance of anonymity when someone is a test subject in a psych experiment. I don’t necessarily want the whole world to know what my IQ score is, especially if it’s low, so I want the psychological researcher to promise me anonymity. But, what if I IQ-tested really high?

Wouldn’t you want those results published, right next to your name?

One of the downsides that I’ve discovered from pride is pressure. When people find out that you’re good at something, and they praise you for it, then comes the pressure. Pressure to do it again, just as well as you did it before (whether or not the previous performance was a fluke). Pressure to do what you did before whenever someone asks you to do so. Pressure to do whatever thing you’re good at for the purposes of someone else.

Anonymity sure would help, sometimes.

* * *

I suspect, deep down inside, I’m not alone on this one. I think pride was in the Garden. I think pride was at the Cross. I think pride is polluting our politics, and our churches, and our families, and our workplaces. It’s everywhere, and we’ve become addicted to it –many of us– in a way that we don’t even recognize our addiction.

Additionally, humanism, which gained in popularity in the late twentieth century, with its focus on the self, has had certain negative effects, IMO, on our society, which now promotes –much more than it used to– an arrogance and a hubris which, while it might be beneficial in certain, moderate amounts, has gotten completely out of control.

People who think more of themselves than what they ought are working everywhere in our society, from lowly blog writers to national leaders. The fact that pride and conceit are so common in the world today are indications that this is the default of man. Without working very hard at it at all, I’ve fallen into these sinful patterns when I should be actively pursuing a mindset that is more modest.

On Wednesday, in Part 2, I’ll explore an alternative to haughty arrogance.