It occurred to me today that it’s time for me to stop hiding.

I’ve learned a lot about myself as a writer over the past ten months. I’ve learned that I’m capable. I’ve learned that I have strengths and weaknesses. I’ve learned that, depending on what I’m writing, some people even like to read what I’m writing. I’ve discovered a joy for doing this thing, and it is burning brighter inside of me than it ever has.

But, there’s a problem.

I think my development has me leaving this place.

* * *

I don’t know if I’ve ever written about hermit crabs before — something in my memory banks says that I have, but I can’t remember where or when. The thing about a hermit crab is that it grows. As it grows, it moves in to and out of different shells of different sizes. Its first shell –also its smallest– is the shell that it outgrows first. Then, it moves into a larger shell when it can’t fit any longer into the shell that it’s been living in.

Along the same lines, I’d be a fool to try to fit into the shoes that I wore in the third grade.

Or, my family of five –with three teenagers– would end up murdering each other if we tried to fit into the eight-hundred-square-foot house that my wife and I first purchased those many years ago.

You get the picture. What used to fit us doesn’t fit us anymore because we grow.

Of course, this process should be celebrated, right? But I’d be lying if I told you that I didn’t get frustrated every time I had to buy a new pair of shoes for a child of mine when the last pair of shoes had barely even been worn. Rather than celebrating their growth and development, I got frustrated at the price of rearing children these days.

And, don’t even get me started on how I feel about them someday being capable of independent living. Oy!

Because living things grow, adjustments have to be made to accommodate that growth. But, those adaptations take us out of what we’ve become comfortable with doing, and then we get frustrated with having to change, as opposed to being joyous over the natural order of human development. We’ve got our emotional response on backward, simply because we overvalue our convenience levels.

* * *

Take this blog, for example. I’ve been working at it for a solid ten months, and it has been a great experience. But, I think it’s one of those things that I’m holding on to, and since my hands are full with it, they can’t be full with anything else.

I’ve been bringing my work, my finished products, to you for a while now. You’ve looked them over, and you’ve said what you’ve had to say about them. But each of these has just been a little thing. I work for a little bit to be able to show you a little thing, and you think what you think about that little thing
–and so do I– but they just amount to a pile of little things.

I want to make a big thing.

I’m afraid of the big thing. I’m afraid that I can’t do it, even though doing these little things hasn’t been a problem. I’m afraid that I don’t know how to do it. I’m afraid that no one is going to like the big thing, when it’s done, like they’ve enjoyed some of these little things.

Big things are hard. Little things are easy, and once you know that you can do them, they give you a sense of accomplishment, and a satisfaction, and a boost to the ol’ ego, but only for a while. And, they are still just little things. Once you grow to discover that you are capable of the little things, they don’t really impress you that much when you do them, and so you pursue a greater goal.

When was the last time that you were impressed by your ability to tie your own shoes?

So, I am going to go away for a while. I am going to unshackle myself from this blog and its schedule. I have something bigger that I am going to go away to work on. This won’t be my last post on this blog, but it will be my last regular post, at least for now. In the future, at some point, I’ll post something on here again, when I feel like I have something that needs to be said. You will be able to check back here –whenever you’d like– to see about my latest thoughts.

IOTMT.org

It’s time for this hermit crab to find a new shell to move into. This one has gotten to be a bit constricting.

If this change upsets you or irritates you, at least know that it’s not about you
— it’s about me. I need something more than this. Trust me, I’m afraid to be doing it. I’d love nothing more than to continue popping out these little things for you, but I’m growing tired of being a purveyor of little things. And, if I’m being 100% honest, I’ve been hiding here. No more hiding.

Thanks to those of you who have been regularly reading my writing. It really means more than I can express to you. To know that there have been people who are interested to read what I’m writing has given this bird the wings that it’s going to use to fly away, for now. If you’ve missed a few of my posts, here and there, they’re all still available in the blog. Catch up on what you’ve missed while I duck out and work on the big thing.

TTFN.